Interview: Stay-At-Home Dad from Singapore to East Africa (as a missionary)

This is part of our monthly interview series in 2024. Various individuals will share spiritual reflections and insights on their past, present, and future.

For the month of October, I have Cliff Tam with me.

Who is Cliff Tam?

Cliff Tam (@cliff.tam) has been in the news for switching his role from a church pastor to a stay-at-home dad (“SAHD”) in 2019. Later in 2023, he founded a community for SAHD called The Ordinary Dad.

Dig deeper into Cliff’s history and you will find more stories of transitions and conquering. Born in Hong Kong, he grew up in Canada since he was eight. Shortly after, he survived cancer and a liver transplant at the tender age of 10. Despite that, he participated in the Ironman triathlon as a young adult and even went on to join numerous triathlons and marathons.

In mid-2024, he and his wife, Wai Jia (@tamwaijia), and two beautiful daughters moved their lives from Singapore to Tanzania as missionaries. As they grapple with the practicals and emotions of the transition, their relationship with God deepens and their light shines even brighter in the new land.

He is currently worshipping in Tanzania.

The Past (SAHD in Singapore)

Looking back…

If given a chance to return in time, is there anything you would do differently?

I would have spent my time wiser. During the COVID lockdown, I spent much time playing video games instead of using the time better. I could have invested it in my health by leading a more active lifestyle. Or I could pick up a new skill, like SEO or other website-related skills. Yet, I need to give myself some grace because it was a tough period – I was struggling with my own identity as a SAHD.

What are the most memorable lessons or insights you had as a SAHD?

Insights

In being a SAHD, God trained me a lot on how to be a father. Through spending much time with my children as a SAHD, I learned the importance of discipl-ing my children. Do not mistake it for disciplining, although that’s important too. I’ve learned that my children needed me to show them who Jesus is and not just outsource discipleship to the church. The biggest lesson God taught me is to intentionally disciple my children and to help them know that God never happens by accident or chance.

Lessons

Also, my “training” or skills I got as a SAHD in Singapore helped us in the initial phases of settling in Tanzania. In the first two months, we had to be very hands-on with our children. We had to homeschool and look after them 24/7 because they could not go to school without a student pass (which was pending). Many things I am doing in Tanzania are the same as what I did as an SAHD in Singapore. For example, I do the chores, care for my children, spend time and play with them. In a way, nothing much changed, except we are now on a different continent.

What are the most memorable lessons or insights during your move to Tanzania?

There’s a common misunderstanding that going on a long-term mission trip is the same as a short-term one. They are very different, like apples and oranges. For short-term mission trips, let’s say two weeks to even a few months, you don’t have to pack as much because your home is in Singapore or wherever you are from.

For long-term mission trips, there are more considerations and preparation. We are shifting everything we have in the house, so we have to decide what to pack and give away, whether to rent or sell our house, etc. Also, considering the increased risk we have in Tanzania, we had to draft up our wills and decide on our children’s caregiver and exit plan if both of us were called home to see Jesus.

Looking back now, is there anything that would make you say, “God has made everything in his time,”or “God works all things good?”

Originally, we planned to move to Tanzania at the end of 2023. But we had to postpone the move until mid-2024 because my wife had an operation in September. At that time, we were sad over the delay because we wanted to move to Tanzania as soon as possible.

But because of the delay, we had one year to prepare and that gave us the space to process this transition – mentally, emotionally, and physically. In hindsight, we are thankful for the delay because it gave us ample time to prepare ourselves for this big transition. My wife’s operation turned out to be God’s blessing in disguise and I can confidently say that God works all things good for those who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

The Present

Looking at now…

Are you at a mountaintop, in a valley or plains?

Valley. Transitioning to Tanzania has been a lot for us. To start with, unpacking all 14 of our suitcases is a mammoth task. The past two months felt like six months with all the changes. It was and still is a huge adjustment for us. Between managing my children’s adjustment to a new culture and school, I’ve to process and manage my adjustment too. Then, there are the practical aspects of figuring out where to live, how to buy food and the stress of not knowing when our work permits will be approved, or even approved at all! It has been overwhelming.

However, I take solace in what Oswald Chambers said about how we are not made for mere mountaintop experience. We receive from our mountaintop experience and then go down to the valley to serve and labour for others.

In this season, what is God speaking to you about or teaching you?

‘Pole pole’ is a Swahili saying in Tanzania which means ‘slowly slowly‘, this is how life flows here. This is the season our family is in now. God is teaching me that slow is the new fast. We live in a fast-paced society where everything needs to be done now. God is teaching me to let Him decide the timing for everything. God is not a taskmaster who expects us to get things done ASAP. In the Bible, Jesus was never in a frenzy or rush.

Everything takes time here and so we are learning to take things one day at a time. If we can’t fix it today, no problem, we will wait until tomorrow. I can slow down my pace over here, or rather, I must slow down because that’s the only way. Thus, it’s good that we will be in Tanzania for the long term because that means we don’t have to rush things. In contrast, if we are here for only two weeks, we must rush and finish everything.

We first had a taste of slowing down in Tanzania when we were getting our work and residence permits to stay here for the long term. The application process is almost one year, and it took so long partly because we were not in Tanzania when we applied and getting all the proper documents took time. Instead of being upset or impatient, we have learned to say ‘pole pole’ —one day at a time. We just keep moving forward and be a witness to everyone we come across.

What fruit of the Spirit do you think God is growing in you?

A Cambodian missionary once said, “The key to missions is patience, patience and more patience“. Indeed, this is one area where God has repeatedly stretched and shaped us. Because of bureaucracy and lack of resources, it can take a long time to get things done.

There are many tests of patience even in our daily lives, even getting a light bulb took a long while for us. We could not find a store that sells lightbulbs because most stores do not restock them when sold out. And sometimes after we managed to fix one broken part, another part broke the next day.

Recently, a tuk-tuk cut me off and ripped off my car’s front bumper. We looked around for some time and finally found a mechanic who knew how to fix my bumper. I drove home, happy with my fixed car, when I noticed the steering wheel was very stiff and was dripping oil. My friend told me it could be a power steering fluid leak, so I took the car back to the mechanic and had him replace the tube holding the steering wheel fluid.

If this happens in Singapore or Canada where I expected things to run smoothly, I will be agitated and blame the mechanic for breaking my car. I may even kick up a fuss and demand my money back. Here, I approached the incident differently. It is possible that the mechanic broke the tube while fixing my bumper, but I also thought of other possibilities as to why this could have happened and gave him the benefit of the doubt or grace. Firstly, it is a 20+ years old car, and so the tube could have leaked due to wear and tear. Or the tube was of poor quality and was about to leak. Or simply because the tuk-tuk hit the bumper too hard. In any case, I am thankful the mechanic replaced the tube and successfully stopped the leak. But this simple incident took a whole day for me to sort out.

This timeline is common. For every day-to-day issue we deal with, like how to get electricity running in the house or get water, let alone hot water, into the house, we had to take a day or two to figure things out. We needed a lot more patience here. Coming from a fast-paced society where few are patient, I too want things to get done right away so I can move on to the next thing. Thus, it is humbling to learn what it is to wait, especially in God’s timing.

I get stressed and upset when things are not running smoothly or going according to my expectations. So I admit many of the stresses I am experiencing in Tanzania are self-induced. On the other hand, I rarely see a Tanzanian get upset when things don’t go their way. Hence, I admire the Tanzanians’ high tolerance for stress and uncertainty.

I am now learning to learn by this verse, Matthew 6:34 where Jesus says we don’t need to worry about tomorrow, for each day has enough problems of its own.

Are you attending or starting a church? What’s a significant difference in churches between Singapore and Tanzania?

There are enough churches around such that I don’t need to start one unless God calls me to.  In general, our approach is to be part of the local church and see what God is doing there instead of doing our own thing.

One difference between Tanzanian and Singaporean churches is that the Tanzanian church’s worship is more vibrant, with dancing and shouting.  That’s also one of the things I enjoy about worshipping in Tanzania and Uganda. Also, the church service duration in Tanzania is generally longer than in Singapore.

What is your bible verse of the season?

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Matthew 6:34 (NIV)

The Future

Look forward…

What’s your future going to be like in Tanzania?

Uncertain. I even joked with Wai Jia that we would have to leave the country within three months if they denied our residence permit applications. There were too many variables out of our control, so it was all up to Him whether we could stay in Tanzania or not. I had to trust God and fully lean on Him. By God’s grace, that didn’t happen. However, we didn’t know about our approvals until our family got to Tanzania with 14 luggage of our lives.

At this stage, I am more focused on the present because I can only do so much with so many things going on now. I try to accomplish one small task one day at a time. Spending the whole day just to get the proper stamp and signature for one document is good enough for me. Every step forward is a step forward, no matter how big or small.

How about your dream to serve the Tanzanian community?

I don’t think I have any special skills or talents to be a missionary. But I have the faith to move here and eyes to see the many possibilities to serve and do God’s work in this land simply by prioritising God over comfort, family, friends and safety.

Most people think Tanzania is a dangerous place to live, let alone do ministry. I see this place as an open field. Whatever I do here will be a blessing to the community. Simply living here has increased the knowledge capital of the local community. It is not because I am smart or I have a special degree, but it is simply because I have the privilege of growing up with a Canadian education. Also, even without having a formal teaching classroom, informal interactions such as daily conversations can already bless the locals with knowledge and open their eyes to a different worldview.

The other aspect is the local economics. It pains me to see how little people make because labour is cheap in Tanzania. One might think it is okay because the cost of living is also low. But that is not entirely true, because, for example, medical costs and schooling can be very expensive relative to their income. It grieves me to see children unable to go to school because their parents do not have any work. Or to see people eating only one meal a day because they don’t have enough money. I saw how even a small financial contribution could improve their lives in ways so much greater compared to the needs in developed countries. Sowing the seeds to help the poor can yield a much more bountiful fruit here.

I don’t have a grand vision of transforming the whole of Tanzania, but I can do my part by blessing the local community I am connected with. I long to see lives change and it isn’t just about giving money to the poor but journeying together to restore dignity to people, especially those who do not have it. The only way to do that is to be at the forefront. Therefore, moving our family to Tanzania makes perfect sense.

What’s the next step you feel led to take for these dreams or plans?

For now, I am just learning to live and adjust in Tanzania. The other day, I told my friend I did two loads of laundry and felt very proud. In the grand scheme of things, no one cares about laundry. However, adjusting to a new environment takes time, and progress is slow. By slow, I look at the timeframe in years.

Similarly, this is the same approach when doing the Ironman triathlon or endurance racing. This is why I say slow is the new fast. I take my time and adjust slowly. It is better than to rush in all guns blazing and burn out in two months. Slow doesn’t mean laziness or lack of ambition. It is a discipline to be mindful of learning to trust in God’s timing and develop patience.

Editor’s Note

We thank Cliff for sharing his reflections and insights as he adapts to life in Tanzania. I was reminded to take things slow and work from a position of rest. Many times during the week, I felt anxious and upset about not checking enough boxes off my to-do list. I felt I was not doing enough. Then I remembered what Cliff said about one day at a time, one thing in one day. Thus, I pat myself on the back and celebrate the small wins.

If this post speaks to you, particularly if you are called to be a SAHD, missionary or to slow down your steps and be more patient,leave a comment or send us a message. It will encourage Cliff and his family on their journey of trust and patience in a foreign land.

If you liked this, you may enjoy reading other interviews too: shema-rhema.com/blog/category/interview

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